Wendy S. Delmater (safewrite) wrote,
Wendy S. Delmater

missing the point (with candy)

Today jaylake had a link to a video of someone applying heat to chocolate bunnies. While I found it entertaining (in a sad, deconstructionist sort of way) it simply does not take things far enough. The melting methods used were interesting, but they were missing the point: a total meltdown. The best way I've found to melt a bunny is to put it in a microwave oven. Seriously.*

In the interest of the scientific method sheer evil, here is how to melt a bunny .

First, view this poster for inspiration:

Then, select your chocolate bunny. Bunny selection is very important. First of all, it must be milk chocolate, and it must be hollow. Must be. Solid milk chocolate bunnies just don't deform properly and white or dark varieties of chocolate either burn or do not melt as readily. Your bunny selection should be on its back haunches, not on all four legs. It has to have hard candy eyes, at a minimum, that will slide down its face. The ideal subject will have other things to slide as it melts - like a hard candy nose, easter eggs, or even a candy purse. Ear size is another essential concern. Too large and they may fall off the back of the rabbit when it melts. Too small and they will fall inside. What you are looking for is a bunny with medium-small ears. (Bonus points for finding a box with the "T" covered by some sort of sticker, so the package reads "Chocolate Rabbi.")

The perfect victim.

Warning: if Mrs. Rabbit has a ribbon in her hair with metallic thread, it's just going to spark, heat up quickly, and make a hole in her head that sizzles when the bow falls inside down to her toes. Which is okay, I guess, if that's the effect you are aiming for.

Next you need a shallow bowl to put the victim chocolate bunny into. Because we only kill to eat, not for sport *ahem*, when it is finally melted we are going to want to use the stuff as fondue. So have some strawberries, tangerine sections, or pineapple chunks ready to go.

And now, the melt. If your microwave is powerful and has a defrost setting, you might want to try that first. If it is a wimpy little thing, like mine, set the timer for one minute and watch the thing cook. Then nuke it for 30-second shots until you've put the candy out of its misery. You don't just want to keep the chocolate from burning or getting charcoaled spots, you want to enjoy one of the most twisted spectacles you have ever seen. It will be over all too soon. These little breaks give you a chance to savor its expression.

As you can tell from the above detailed instructions, this is rather a tradition in our household. We've done the extensive research so that you can benefit from our wisdom.

Bring tissues. You may laugh until you cry.

*And I don't want to hear about the radiation because I have a fancy little microwave radiation tester and nuthin evil gets out of my oven, okay?
Tags: humor

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